Tony Umez (Who’s he?), I feel your pain. Once upon a time, when I still wore pampers and took long drinks from feeding bottles that looked like nipples, When PHCN was still NEPA, home videos still rolled out on video cassettes, and Baba Fryo was Naija’s best talent, Tony Umez was the golden boy of Nollywood. From one cheap Onitsha-produced movie to the next, Tony was right there. He played roles from Father, brother, madman, President, tout, fool, agboro boy, lover boy, Igwe, Amadioha, Pastor and Devil. Life been sweet for the man.
And you won’t blame him for being that successful because his main competitors were Segun Arinze (With a scary name like black arrow. Would you want to hire a Black Arrow?), and Kenneth Okonkwo, who’s unique mouth reminds everyone of the Lagos canal. So Tony Umez outshone everyone.
But now Nollywood is desperately trying to be like Hollywood, so actors with a boil on their noses are being dropped from movie roles. Na the young, handsome bobo-ish oyinbo ones wey dey chop the pepper.
The long and short be say, things became red for Mr. Umez. So he switched to a new career in modeling. The guy started modeling headaches for Paracetamol. Come on, man must chop. The commercial was so boring that we all had headaches and so had to buy their paracetamol to cure ourselves. Nice business strategy. You cause the problem to your cure.
But now, the paracetamol deal is dead, and Tony is broke. So he went searching for a job, and after begging profusely at 51 Iweka Road Onitsha, he was given a movie. Praise The Lord! But it turns out the movie, Room 027 is a soft porn. Tony no send. If he’ll get paid for pressing the milk out of a beautiful actress’s boobs, then who cares? Press booby, get paid. Nice, very nice!
this is too funny
ReplyDeleteYh,the guy who wrote it really killed it
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